anyeong..
jacq please wake up you've been on hiatus for months... you've told yourself many positive things and even bring yourself down.. now is not the time for thinking how to plan your life instead you should grabbed any opportunity that comes on your way, dont lose any of it.. you've wasted enough...
Sorry mom and dad for you have brought up a person like me in this world you dont deserve a daughter like me.. i've been an asshole, and even to my brother i've been like a cross that they should bear.. i know that they have given me many chances already and i blew it all up.. DAMN you JACQ!!!! when will you wake up.. you've missed the beauty of life.. shIt.. i hate myself so much... huhuhuhuhu!!!

DAMN YOU MUCH!!!! pretty please move on and do something for yourself.. MOM its not your fault its mehh.. im such a coward... and lazy person... waaaaaahhh..... i needed to express myself more.. i always bottled up my feelings maybe that's the reason why i am like this..i should release what i feel inside.. huhuhu.. i need a helping hand most especially an ear who will listen on my peers..someone who will cheer and says everything will be just fine. why am i so alonE!!!?????

anyeong..

since i am back in PH, of course for almost a decade now.. me and my mom didnt failed to do these christian practices during lenten season.....

wherein we visit churches.. and had a little prayer and commemorating the hardships that god had undergone in order to wash away the sins of the people. since we are only now three, me, mom and ta loi went together.

anyeong!

errrhh.. sleeping to the max, and eat..haay what a life.. boredom..

i know i've talked about ali.. im still scared. but he was asking for marriage?? i dunno know if he's serious or what..but i can feel his arrgghh.. i dunno.. we chatted and made things that i dunno.. arrgghhh...

should i just go with the flow..whats happening to me.. LORD...

konnichiwa minna...

yeah finally i was able to go on board.. what do i feel.. im happy and sd.. i have been telling you before that i was really torn on my feelings.. sigh..i dunno how to start  new life..im back to being down again. sighness overload.

finally ali called me, but he put down the fon..i dunno.. i texted sir sultan but he repied who is this.. yeha i was hurt,, it seems that he deleted already my number.huhhuhu...

it was kinda uneasy and bumpy flight. i still dont know what will i do.. huhu..if only kuya make me have a choice. im a failure...

arrived at 3:15pm but i was able to get my luggage around 3:50pm and mommy is the one who make sundo. haay..sorry i failed you all.. i was nothing.. i hate me...

saw vanilla and alex.. ang kukulit pa rin.. even emty was so noisy. miss u my baby!!

finally back at the philippines. sighnessssssssssss....

anyeong!

omo.. i wasnt able to get on board.. sadness.. we even had breakfast at mcdo.. anyways... they were many stories talaga about sa pag uwe na to.. dame ng sacrifice at na perwisyo sa fully booked ng etihad.

i've got a call from an etihad staff this morning sayang .. around 9am ..sabi niya i can finally get on board but the sad situation is that i wasnt at the airport.. sayangness talaag.nde na ko makakaabot eh..if she called a lil earlier.. haaayyy...

then we went to mass... maybe this is it i should have experience the palm sunday here.. anyways.they were date leaves being given as the palaspas.. and luckily at the end of the mass we were able to get inside the church to make the palaspas be blessed and ourselves as well.. so maybe this is it na talaga.

it was lolo jose first year death anniversary. lolo whereevr you are i hope you are happy with lola and plese help us in all the problems and keep watching over our safety.

then at night we went to al wahda to pay for the etisalat and checked the supermarket  for the water dispenser and some things lie table,chairs, that they need for their new room. but we did not find any ..and decided to just go to the emirates discount we just go their walking and this store was really huge that even if just by looking you will feel very tired. haaayy...

in the end we did not bought what we re supposed to buy.. we just bought some baon.. haaiissh.. and went to the airport after..me and carol bought my luggage this time because it seems that it is now really sure.. and thanks god this is it...

haller....

last night, kha was so busy... naking ayos their new room. haayy i dont know how to help but she told me to just dont mind her at all.. because she still dont know how to arrange the rooms, but what to do..i feel unease.. anyways i sleep early.. not knowing that kha..still stay up late and you know made their laundry.  Today the etisalat agent came.. we didnt know that it would took that long.. because we planned to go in green house to look for the water dispenser and table and some of the things that they needed. 

then kuya called that maybe i should try tonight if i can the 3am flight.. and we had this lil argument.. because i want him to at least have a 60/40 chance that i can get on board.. but he said that i should at least try because he cant be sure.. and he's been worried also on the expenses i've had going to the airport.. and i said that yeha i know it was really a loss and nanghihinayang ako.. then he said.. oh you're the one who's really worried for the money wherein that isnt your money after all.. and i said. yeah that's why i am so ashamed because that's not money.. haaaiissshh.. kuya... i really dont know what you think of me.. i feel i've sacrificed enough but you cant get what i did.. haaayy buhay i so freaking hate it.  

try the morning flight and still saw the same faces i saw before.. this is my third try..
i even put on make up and wear a blazer.. still unlucky..

and kuya just entrusted me to their friend.. still didnt get in..
kuya gave me 50dhms for the taxi fare.. but mike insisted that we can take a bus.. and i feel so embarrassed for causing any inconvenience/troubles.. huhuhu..

went to al falah to buy food for our dinner.. haaaissshhh..

was there something unfinished business for me that's why i cant get out from here??
i was thinking.. does it concern the call i receive before, or it was because of sir abdul aziz thesis.. aiisshh...

anyway's its getting hot here.. it will be summer soon.

anyeong....

omo.. i hope i can go home na.. aiissshh... nakakaloka na ang aking luggage.. huhuhhu..
i still saw same people, waiting for their chances... omo...depressing...

the money, the expenses, the effort.. aisssshh..

the only thing that's good is that i can enjoy the free wifi....

but nothing's happen....

haller..

wake up early because we\ll try to have a chance for this am flight. but yeaahhh.. we were'nt that much lucky.. heard that some of the chance passengers have tried thrice already but wasnt able to..

so just packed things again..

hope this midnight i can fly.

help us lord.thanks for today.....

there still option if i really wanted to go home to manila ..is that i can make a connecting flight through bangkok, singapore, hong kong,jakarta or kuala lumpur. i can buy tickets their going to manila but i still need money of course for another ticket.but since its the season for vacay, the tickets are pricely.. i need at least 1500 to 2500 dhms just for one way ticket to manila.. but the problem of course..MONEY!!!!!

please LORD, we will believe on your HANDS! thanks...and sorry..

anyeong!

today is a lucky day ... weeeeehhh. 

we move some of the things to the new room that kuya and kha will renting in. and then attended 12pm mass. while on the taxi cab,behind the driver's seat, i saw a 1dirham coin.. phew for the first time in my stay here, i was able to pick up a coin..and said that maybe it is a lucky coin.

after we went to abu dhabi mall because kha bought some padala that she will fill her package box so that they would not bring it over to their new room. and kuya said that i can still buy some padala too, that cost 100dhms.. so i bought 2 olay cream for momi and mita. and t-shirts for me.. the shirts are bargain so i was able to bought 3 and 1 shorts.. they were big sizes on the shirt that i like.. weeehh, am i being really lucky. and then pack things again. me and kha were busy packing all day. the canned goods i bought are really heavy.thanks to kha's package.. i asked her if i can make pasabay ... then that's why my problem for my luggage was being solved. we bought kubos and henna powder.wheeew....

and kha was able to finish her package box and deliver it to the luzan.. hope it will reach PH in good condition.

thank you LORD for this day. everything goes smoothly. kuya gave up that i cant fly this midnight. aww.. i forgot i've spend the lucky coin..huhuhu.. but there were still 1 dirham coin left..hope this will bring luck for the coming days.

i was able to chat with ali, hmm.. i dunno.. is it him, do i consider him???? confused......

omo.. before the day ends.. my ex-boss called kuya..and he says that he will just give my passport because he was not sure if he can go... thanks LORD.... so we didnt let the chance slip away.. even if the cons is that kuya will going to take taxi. thanks lucky coin.

so sorry until now i was causing disturbance and financial problems to kuya and kha.. huhuhu.. hope i can make the flight tomorrow morning

anyeong...

its nino giffy.. yay....

my flighttoday has been cancelled because my ex-animalistic behaviour boss are not available.. my passport was still with him..so kuya has to re-sched my flight.. and it was just okay because there was only 3 chance passenger were able to make it.

i just helped kuya bring some of the packed things in their new rented room, the room is okay and big..but the flat seems crowded.i hope they will be okay there.

and i was able to go to lulu hypermarket, and bought cheese and choco. and then bought some ingredients for chicken afrida.

nothing much happen, just continue packing my things while kha is packing theirs too..

konnichiwa

mixed emotions minna.. i've already been cancelled and i have my flight this 3am..on the 22nd.. haayy.. i wanted to go home but i also wanted to stay here..because i have so many things i want to do..but the opportunities are being unlucky... sigh...

i wanted to voice out how bad my ex-employer ..how he broke my opportunities to grow, start renewing my life.. damn..he's really bad..i hate him..im cursing him.

and i've chatted to this egyptian guy.. should i give in.. arggghh..desperate... i dunno.what should i do..

been packing things and it was hard.. .. the problems in the rented room of kuya and kha still goes on ..but they decided to move out..arrgghh..expenses again for them..they saw a room near here.. but the rent is higher.. i hope someday i can repay them.. arrgghh.. money money you're so bad..

anyeong.. waahhh

finally decided to have some little fun before i went back to ph,. i went to dubai..to see and visit my bestfriend louise... i know kuya was mad and carol was even madder for my being hard headed.. sorry i have to do this for myself naman.. i cant just sit and stare blankly na lang here sa house.. i do really understand how you just want my safety and no more problems..but i have to do it..take a risk..but somehow i didnt get to enjoy much..since i know that they are mad..

we just stroll around.. actually i now know louise problem about her ex-boyfriend.. sighh.. i was really surprise because of the reason.. but anyways... i hope she can move on.. sorry all i can say that im sorry i dont have enough experience in love that's why i cannot much fully understand how deep her love was to her ex-bf. i havent loved anyone before .. because im such a loser...

we went to battuta mall.. together with her brother.. i was also amazed for his accommodating me.. unyo salamat although sana i just want to say ...lend me money instead of letting us eat at fancy restaurant..but thanks to both of you..some of my sentiments become a reality.. i hope to pay you back in the future.. heehhee..just take care of your health.. both of you. we had dinner at mango tree at dubai mall.. it is a thai restaurant. yeahh the food is just ok..especially the noodle..i want to cook that for my family.


take some pictures.. it was unyo's cam.. so ill post next time.
went home before 12am.. whoa..until now and here i am a cinderella.. hehehe

damn, while im in dubai, kuya and ate lili was shocked,because the validiya had made spot checking..the same problem in the house before.. they knock so hard on the doors and question them, why they are still here. i dunno.. and then the validiya asks kuya.for a papers.. i guess for marriage certf. i dunno.. was it a blessing in disguise that i wasnt here when the house was being checked. because they were going to ask for my papers too.if they saw me here .. right? the validiya told them to evacuate and take their things outside because they were going to locked up and shutdown the building. sigh.....i didnt know .. and kha was really cold to me when i got home..phewww...
maybe that's why the whole time im with louise im kinda uneasy because this things happen while im gone. sighh..

anyeong

aahh.. should i find love just.. arrgghh... im getting frustrated again...

i want change...
hmm... talk to kim.. my high school batch mate can she really help me. huhuhu.. do i really want to stay here?? what worries me is about kuya.. hmm.. i dunno.. but i should give it a try ..right??
haay.. kakaloka talaga.. ewan bahala na.. aiyee.. big bang was so cool talaga.. i cant keep out on humming their songs on my hear.. so to post their first mv... off the alive album.. uhmm.. come to think of it.. it suits me. i should be *alive* and be able to stand up again... *bb fighting*

 im singing my bluessssssssssss.....

the bomb.. big bang.. so so love you guys.. you never made me disappoint on your music and you always re-invent yourself whenever you have a comeback.. bb hwaiting!!!

konnichiwa...

i said there should be no mre tears onwards...jacque wake up.. time to let go and start a new life..
enjoy the days that you are still here.. you cant turn back time.. just please... dont cry anymore..

you shouldnt let the money revolve around you... yeah t was soo saddening and awful experience but you have to move on and stand uo again..stop that feeling sorry for yourself, because no one can help you but tyou yourself.. there's even more aggravating story that you have.. just be thankful you're going home in one piece and still intact.

arrgghh.. and please lovelife where are you???? maybe i was also wrong in my intention in searching for love, that's why i cant find him.. and i am already getting pissed at myself again.. huuhu

 just finished watching the big bang special come back for their alive album..whoa.. i didnt know that they were in the verge of collapsing in spite of the recognition they get from japan and mtv europe..

 after all the struggles,scandals and accidents that happen to them last year.. they are now back stronger and much matured..and daesung made this song that i kinda relate to.yeaahh i wanna shout it all out..

anyeong..

it was so upsetting yesterday and today...

first my cousin invited me to go to dubai.. but we had this misunderstanding before so kuya doesnt believe her anymore..so let's say kuya really wanted to cut off any communication with her.. and dont want to bother them and vice versa to bother us. for me and mommy it was all in the past and we dont mind that anymore.. i didnt know that kuya still hold this grudge.. so in short he didnt permit me to go.. which is so sad and upsetting for e because i've been spoiling my life for almost a month here in the house where even i didnt do anything .. why i am being punished.. yes i saw this as punishment not as a pre caution or any safety.. but kuya still insisted that this is for our safety ... omg!!
i just dot want to argue nor fight with him so i justfollow his wishes.. but this is so much. i feel like im in prison here.. omo.. huhuhuu..
i was realy really mad at myself why this things happens to us.. im really such a failure...
and kuya this way of yours is not good too.. ill pity your family if you continue on like this...

huhuuhuuuu.... for this entire saturday i was just here...
and i told you before that i was talking this egyptian guy.. i dunno.. is he the one.. huuhuhuhu.. but i want white/caucasian... because i know we had different custom... but arrghh.. i dunno...

kon...

its aiba-chan.. happy ne'.....

hehehe.. finally i was able to sign my visa cancellation.. i wish this will be finished asap.. haaayy...
still this ex-employer of mine was giving a crap explanation..

day-16.. shucks 1/2 months are already been spoiled... because of this damn problem of mine.

anyways.. i said that i shouldnt be that sad and mad anymore.. because the pimples i had over worrying things like that are all in my cheeks..and please..just go away.... im too much ugly...

i've got to chat to this egyptian guy and it seems that he's nice..but he's a muslim.. haay..
anyways.. ciao...

anyeong

i wake up because of ate maricel's call, and even if i was hesitant at first to talk about my situation but somehow, she has an idea what happen ne'.. so that's it i was able to tell her my misery and again she offered some help, what can i do?? because i really need someone who can help me, but kuya called and told him about ate maricel..and of course he told me to hold back because he wants to settle it first, but deep inside i really wanted ate's help. and then i called abdulla, he said that i'll call again at 6pm for my cancellation, omg, i told him already that i wanted to go home badly and my mom was so worried about me.  Aisshh, i know it was just his delaying tactic,, arrgghhh.. i really hate them. i hope this will gonna stop sooner.

mommy's back from tito nanding's funeral and i told her about ate maricel help, and we chatted. i told her that let me first sign the cancellation before ate maricel join in the talks...

haaayyy...


fangirl note*

aiyee.. i havent seen any new arashi vids and havent watched any new arashi perf but this one ill post...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhVNIFbj30Q&feature=relatedenjoy minna-

i've signed my cancellation.. wtf.. they really continue my residence visa application.so now i have a six months ban here..oh greatt.. and what did he say.. im just too young to understand.. no kuya and kha are just too kind and naive. pheww... wtf?? my ex-employer... arrgghh.. im really mad...

kon...

i guess i have to stop sour grape-ing and have to move on with my life.. okay things turned out bad, that's it.. i have to let go and face a new cycle of life.. i can\t turn back time and have to admit that i made the wrong choice.. i can't live forever on the past.  The anger is still burning and but ottoke?? we cant change it.. it all happened already.. and the sure real thing now  is i have to move on and find a new better way to restart my life and face the day with courage and happy spirit. go.. go..go..
kwenchana... gambatte.. hwaiting/fighting! thanks be god for a brand new start.

yesterday i watched bigbang guesting in Runnin Man...

julz give this new site for running man engsubbed yatta.
ehhh.. julz again just share this site for big bangs streaming english subbed vid.
big bang eng subbed streaming vid

another news.. i know i've been avoiding about arashi because i might get addicted tot hem and i dont have the leisure to but what can i do ?? they are the one i live my life for.. i mean they are one of my dreams ... i wanted to watch them perform live even once, just like bigbang.. i wanna see them in concert but i want to see arashi first.. more than bigbang.. i dunno but all these dreams and plans have fallen apart because of that damn al aseel... you really ruined my life.. anyways stop of that, im so full of it.. let's get back to my fangirling..

and so here's the news about..
 "
It has been reported Arashi were in Odaiba, Tokyo, on March 13 to appear at Fuji TV’s “華嵐 (Hana-Arashi)” campaign event.  A model of what Tokyo Tower will look like this Friday night showed the tower covered from top to bottom in Arashi’s group colours blue, red, green, yellow, and purple."

oricon news link
english news link

the tower were gonna be lighted according to the arashi's color.. and it was arranged by the age bracket.. you can see that blue is in the lowest part because he is the foundation/leader and oldest member of ARASHI.. its OH-chan.. and sho, aiba,nino and jun being the youngest.  aiyee.. my two biases oh-chan and jun bebe.....

so till here.. im still gonna watch the second part guesting of bigbang at RM. hehehe.. its payback time for haroro..


ciao!!

and oh before i forget HAPPY WHITE DAY.....
its a tradition by the Japanese where the guy supposed to give back the girls chocolates,flower, not necessarily white.. it was the opposite of valentines day.. because in their country valentines is a time where girls are giving the boy/guy some sweets.. but in the Philippines it was the guy who should give those.. it was only for the past years i've heard about the white day.. it was also being celebrated in China, Taiwan and South Korea.. it was celebrated one month after the valentines day.
happy white day

muahhhhhhh....


arrghh, and i have to call my employer because my brother said so.. he said that i should just lower my voice and dont say anything.. just follow and listen to what he will say.. you know what,my heart and mind  still bursting with anger.. arrgghhh.. and so i just called him a few minutes back.. his voice was calm.. i dunno the background is noisy it was like sounds from tv.. heck i dont care.. i told him that it was I maybe he has forgotten about me.. and i ask him about the feedback, and he just only said call me tomorrow.. fuck... and i told him that my mother was really worried and i really wanted to go home. huhuhuuh.. jebal.. jebal.. i wanna go home.. if this is the life waiting for me.. i am really like in a prison.. huhuhuu..

anyeong...


i dunno if its right but i have the feel to change something for this blog although i know i spent time doing my banner.. hmm.. i really wanna learn how this html works.. i want a real template of mine..huhuhu..

i ate too much last night cause its the 2nd time during my 4mos here to eat at KFC.. hahaha.. that's how boring and super tipid i am. kuya and kha bought it for dinner and i ate 2 pcs.. kyaaa.. i will miss this even though we have this in our country but it wasnt the same taste and we barely ate at fast food nor restaurant.

haayy....

anyways.. big bang finally have their comeback.. uhmm.. i really like blue but.. i dunno fantastic baby. its kayit seems it has the same tune of the other western hip hop song.. like the boomshakalaka thing.. and the work it.. it sounds so familiar to me.. haaisshh.. and i am not liking GD's hairstyle.. but DAE was so guapo with blonde..

here's their awesome perf... kya.. flailing once again.. awesome-ness ,fantastic baby.. and the stage was so daebak.. especially the blue perf and the fantastic baby stages.. omg.. it was so fantastic, ultra cool.. the YG is really the best in comeback stages.. they really prepared and think of the stages,, the presentation is beyond words of wonder... super ♥... and during the bad boy perf.. you will see GD's hair hanging on one side i dunno.. he was like boy george.. but maybe it will grow on me after i see more of it .. hehehe...about Taeyang, of course he's still flawless and so smooth in dancing.. and TOP, he kind of suit all color hair type.. just dont try to copy gd's experimentation of fashion.. hehe.. he's gorgeous enough.. and Seungri.. yeah still, he's my least BB.. and he has new piercing on ear..

mommy went to bicol together with tita nina.. to my uncle.. tito nanding sorry if i wasnt able to attend your wake and sorry if i cant help financially. thank you because i know the time you spent with us before was also worthwhile even though that you and dad clashed before, it was all in the past and if ever you're gonna see dad.. please give our warmest regards.. we miss him dearly. Rest in Peace tito NANDING!!

about work, still no updates.. haay.. where i can get money.. and its been two days since i last texted sir abdul aziz saying sorry for his project but he didnt reply.. is he mad.. damn... i wsih i could help him but i wasnt able to copy his files at al aseel.. haaiisshh.. sir abdul please say something.. i really don't want to include you in my misery. SO SORRY!...